Noticing changes in someone’s memory or everyday abilities is one thing. Explaining those concerns to a doctor can feel more difficult, especially when you do not want your relative to feel criticised or spoken for.
Preparing for a dementia assessment is not about proving that someone has dementia. It is about describing what has changed, hearing the person’s own concerns and helping the clinician investigate possible explanations.
The first step is usually a conversation with a GP. Memory difficulties can have several causes, including stress, depression and sleep problems, so families should seek advice rather than decide the diagnosis themselves.
First, Check Whether the Change Needs Emergency Help
Sudden new confusion needs immediate medical attention. Call 999 rather than waiting for a routine appointment or keeping a diary to see whether it improves. This applies even when someone already has dementia. The NHS guidance on sudden confusion explains that some causes can be life-threatening.
Call 999 for possible new stroke symptoms, including sudden facial drooping, arm weakness or speech difficulty. Emergency help is still needed if those symptoms stop.
The preparation below is for a planned appointment about ongoing concerns. It should never delay help for an abrupt change or immediate danger.
Explain What Has Changed in Everyday Life
You do not need medical language to describe a concern. Explain what the person previously managed, what is different now and whether assistance has become necessary.
For example, “Mum seems forgetful” is less specific than: “Mum has missed two appointments she had written on her calendar and recently needed help finding a familiar address.”
Include changes beyond memory. Difficulties with planning, following conversations or managing familiar activities may also be relevant. Our guide to early signs of dementia describes the different changes families may notice.
The GP will want to understand when symptoms began and how they affect daily life. A person who knows your relative well may be able to contribute useful observations, with their involvement handled respectfully.
Prepare a Short Record, Not a Dossier of Mistakes
A few clear examples can provide a useful starting point. There is no need to document every forgotten name or minor disagreement.
You could organise your notes using these headings:
| What to record | What to include |
|---|---|
| The change noticed | Describe what happened without attaching a diagnosis. |
| When it started | Give an approximate date and explain whether it developed gradually or appeared abruptly. |
| The effect on daily life | Note whether it affected appointments, meals, conversations, money, personal care or another activity. |
| The help required | Explain whether a reminder was enough or somebody needed to provide more assistance. |
| The person’s own experience | Include what they say is difficult, worrying or frustrating. |
For example, a note might say:
“Dad usually manages the weekly shopping. During the last month, he has twice bought the same items again after forgetting he had already been shopping. He says keeping track of the list has become frustrating.”
That is an illustrative example, not a diagnostic sign on its own.
Keep observations factual. Distinguish something you witnessed from something another relative reported, and include activities the person still manages well. The purpose is to explain the situation, not build an argument against their independence.
Ask What Your Relative Wants the GP to Understand
Before the appointment, ask what they have noticed and what they would like help with.
They may be more concerned about struggling to follow conversations than about the missed appointment that worried the family. They may also be frightened that mentioning memory problems will immediately change how everyone treats them.
Choose an unhurried moment and explain that the appointment is an opportunity to investigate the difficulty, not announce a diagnosis. Offer to attend if they would find that reassuring. The NHS advice for people worried about a relative recommends considering what might be making the person reluctant to seek help.
A useful opening might be: “You mentioned that keeping track of appointments has become tiring. Would it help to ask the GP what might be causing it?”
Avoid turning the conversation into an informal memory test.
Bring Relevant Information and Arrange Communication Support
Take your brief notes and a current list of medicines, including non-prescription products and supplements. Mention recent illnesses, medication changes and other health concerns that may be relevant.
Tell the practice in advance if the person needs an interpreter or communication support. Ask what can be arranged if attending the surgery is difficult, and whether additional appointment time would be helpful.
The NHS appointment-preparation guidance recommends bringing notes, listing medicines and identifying the most important questions beforehand.
Agree your role if you attend. Your relative may want you to help remember the discussion or add examples, rather than answer every question for them.
Ask whether they are comfortable sharing your written observations with the clinician. Leave space for their account, including where it differs from yours.
What Might Happen at the First Appointment?
The GP may discuss symptoms, medical history and medicines, carry out an examination and use a short assessment of memory or thinking. Blood tests may help investigate other explanations.
A referral to a memory service or another specialist may follow. Further assessment can involve additional tests or scans, depending on the circumstances.
There is no single test that confirms every case of dementia. A memory-test score or scan is considered alongside the wider assessment, and not everyone needs the same investigations. The NHS guide to tests for dementia explains this process.
The aim is to understand what is happening, not prepare someone to achieve a particular test score.
What If Your Relative Does Not Want an Appointment?
Try to understand the concern before repeating the request. They may feel embarrassed, disagree that anything has changed or worry that nothing useful can be done.
A further conversation with someone they trust may help. Dementia charities can also advise families who are unsure how to approach the subject. This is one of the options suggested in the NHS guidance for relatives.
You can share factual concerns with the GP practice even when your relative does not want you involved. Confidentiality does not prevent a clinician from listening, although it may limit what they can tell you in return.
Do not assume that information you provide will remain secret from your relative. The clinician may need to discuss it with them, particularly if it influences assessment or treatment. The General Medical Council’s confidentiality guidance explains this distinction.
Be clear about any immediate safety concerns rather than presenting them only as a disagreement about attending the surgery.
Questions to Ask Before Leaving
You do not need to resolve every future possibility at the first appointment. Focus on understanding the next steps.
Ask:
- What are the possible explanations, and what needs investigating?
- Are tests or a referral being arranged, and how will we receive the results?
- What support or precautions are appropriate while we wait?
- Who should we contact if the symptoms change or an expected appointment does not arrive?
Write down the answers, with the person’s agreement. Check who will arrange any further appointments and whether a follow-up with the GP is needed. These are consistent with the NHS’s recommendations for getting clear information before leaving a consultation.
Do Not Leave Everyday Support Unresolved While Waiting
A diagnostic assessment and a care needs assessment answer different questions. One investigates the cause of symptoms; the other considers the practical assistance someone needs.
In England, you can ask the local council’s adult social care department for a care needs assessment when someone is struggling with everyday activities. The assessment is free, although any services recommended afterwards are not automatically free.
Think about the assistance required now, rather than assuming everything must wait for a diagnosis. What happens with meals, appointments, personal care or household tasks when nobody is available?
Do not automatically assume that live-in care is necessary. The appropriate arrangement depends on the person’s actual needs and preferences, and what other support is available.
Discussing Care at Home With Live In Care Ltd
Live In Care Ltd provides fully managed, CQC-regulated care at home, including live-in dementia care. Our care assessment considers practical support and suitability for the service; it does not replace medical investigation or diagnose dementia.
When you contact our care team, explain what the person can manage independently, where assistance is needed and what investigations or professional advice are already underway.
Preparing for an assessment should help your relative be heard, not make them feel examined by the whole family. Bring clear examples, leave room for their perspective and make sure you understand what happens next.